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After experiencing the fun of fatherhood, I told you I want to come back to you. "" That's right. "" Provided I had to go to New York with him. Turns out all is just what's best for him - what's best for his own life, his career, his future. Not for what's for myself and Milly. "" But being together is the best thing for all of us. "I looked at Xan without blinking. "It is not the cunning that follows you throughout this earth. Milly is the most important to me in this life, and I do not think wandering from country to country is the best thing for him and ... "" That's all right, "Xan interrupted me. "Then you will not go." "What?" "I will not be in New York anymore." "I thought you were kidding." "No. He will refuse the job and stay here. You will find something in the newsroom. "" Will not you do that? "" I'll do it. If that means we can live together like a family. "I found myself standing at the crossroads and looking at different directions. "Why, you do that?" "Why?" "Yes. Why do you ruin your career? I love my job. "" But I love Milly better. You feel attached to it the way you never thought, so ... "" Thank you, "I interrupted." What do you mean? "" Because of that. Thank you for being honest about your love of Milly. "" Of course I love it. "" I'm glad about that, but is this talk about how much I love you? "" Yeah ... of course ... and ... I love you. "I shook my head. "I do not think so. If so, he did otherwise. You told me to go to Indonesia with you, or did you stay in London, or did you just go there for a little while and then come back, over here you went for over two years. You do not feel compelled to go back to your mother, right? "" Well, you're different now. If you know how much you'll stick with Milly ... "" That's exactly what I mean. I am for your daughter, not for you. And I want to live with a lover, not just children, Xan. Patrick also loves Milly but what he cares most about is that you and I are happy about that. "Xan did not say anything. "You should go to New York," I continued. "He could go back more often and he and Milly could visit him occasionally. The rest of my days in London, I want you to come to the agreed days and leave at eight o'clock, so that I can get my life back to Patrick. Because next Friday he and he will go to Cornwall so he needs to meet Milly a bit more. Xan this, I'm sorry but I tried as much as possible, now it's time to take a step back. "Xan's eyes glittered. "You can not believe it, Anna." "I'm not. I'm sorry to make you sad but I do not know how much you cried during the last three years - especially when Milly was born. It can never change the fact that there is never a photo of him hugging it when it was born, when it was in the cradle, when it was christened and when it first celebrated Christmas in team. You did not see it until it was nine months old. "" But you explained why. I ... do not know what to do. "" Do not know what to do at thirty-seven? And just over a month ago he only visited him six times in three years. He appeared no more than eighteen hours during his life - during which time he had to watch him on TV! "I slammed the door of the dishwasher. "I know that you're compensating for the past, but please do not tell me to be tough." I think it's weird to stand in front of me now the man I ever expected to be in my life the most, and suddenly I felt clearly that I did not want him anymore. " Xan, I want stability, "I lowered my voice. "Not the disturbance. I'm not a nomad. I do not want - what is it - "all day packing bags and then unloading". I want stability for my daughter. You and I will always be friends, "I continued. "We'll still be Milly's parents until we're not alive. But I do not want the past to repeat itself. "I just want the future, that means we're not going the same way again." *** "I'm going crazy here, sister," I told Jenny when we met in the afternoon. The day before was my birthday and I brought a firewood plant in my garden. "I can not bear the pressure from Xan and I hate feeling sorry for Patrick." "It'll be clear now," Jenny said as she pushed the glass door open. "I thought you did it right." "I hope so, suddenly I realize how much I want to continue my life." "Maybe I'm excited about the prospect of living life. Without being obsessed about Xan. "" Yes. "We walked out. "But he's not alone," I continued. "This morning he calledelectricity and say he is not "enjoying" Cornwall and that he does not trust Patrick as a reliable driver. I'm lucky to not be in the situation like you. "" I do not see that, "Jenny said softly." I think you're lucky. When you first meet, you do not understand why you choose to live alone. But after the stress that I experienced with Xan and Patrick I found the positive side of a simple and unconnected life. I'm jealous of you. "" Actually I do not think I have anything to be jealous, "Jenny said indifferently. I still find Jenny's mood a little bored and negative like this. "That's right," I put the tree down and countered. "She is very attractive, free and successful. I have a lovely little daughter. But where is Grace? "" This afternoon I was with my parents. They loved it more than before, "I could see a bit of bitterness in Jenny's voice. Anyway thank you for bringing this prickly fire. I like it very much. Where do we put it? "" Next to the peanuts? "I suggested. "They grow together, no matter what, the blue flowers go well with purple flowers. I will grow it. "" You do not have to do that. "" I will do it - I have to bring a shovel. Anyway, I also like farming. "Jenny's eyes lit up. "You know, Anna, you are a very good friend." "Well, you are. She helped me a lot. "I picked up the water tank to soften the soil before digging the hole. The heat made the ground hard almost rocky. "I just wish I could help myself," Jenny moaned. "What is it, Jenny? "Oh," she whispered. "Can you help?" "No," she replied as I knelt down and began digging. "Right now you're struggling with one thing." I lifted the tree out of the pot and ordered the roots. Do you want to tell about it? "I just dug earth just ask. Jenny did not reply. I put the tree down the hole and fill it up. She does not count. She's always been a quiet person. "It's ... about Grace," Jenny said. I think it's just about things like Grace sulking, refusing to go to bed on time or throwing out toys, although it's hardly going to happen with such a cute and lovely girl like him. "It's ... just asking me about my father." I could barely hear the bumps when I heard about Jenny's ex-boyfriend. I said badly, and with my hands he pressed the soil down and then into the washcloth. "Oh, it was so hard," Jenny agreed as we turned back into the house. She handed me a towel and said. "Until now you still tell him that his father is far away so he can not meet - and he accepts it. But lately when you see the kids playing with the three of them in class or in the park - like seeing her father Milly and Xan - she asks why she can not see him and him. " Jenny was so tearful. "I do not know what to say. Although you have been used to this for the last four years. "" Well ... did you ever change your mind not to contact him again? "" No, "Jenny said, dropping herself on the couch in the recording. I pulled a chair at the table. "He does not exist in the life of your mother, Anna, and forever." "He's still alive, is not she?" Jenny shook her head. "If he died, you told Grace." "He lives abroad?" "What do you wish? He lives in London right now. The last time I knew it was like that. "" Well ... why can not you see him? Anyway, it's still a couple of times. "" I do not think so. Not in your situation. Can not be. "" I'm sorry, Jenny, but why can not? Was he married? Is that right? "" No. He is still single. "She took a deep breath and clenched her hands as if praying. "

He's in jail." "In jail?" I wondered what he had done. It could be a scam, embezzlement or something like that of white-collar people. "Did he commit any serious crimes?" "Yes," Jenny said with a blank stare. "Serious." She was silent and looked out the window. "Sinister" I was startled to hear that word and imagined some of the most likely scenarios. Maybe he was fighting in a pub, or he was scrambling for a ride, or he was in a demonstration and he was joking. "Who the hell is he?" I asked softly. "A woman," Jenny replied, looking at the space in front of her as if she were experiencing a dream. "He attacked a woman." "God," I exclaimed. "But ... why?" "Concerned about sex," Jenny replied. "Actually rape." I stared at her in surprise. Think about Jenny's ex-boyfriend raping someone who is horrible. No wonder she does not want any contact with him. Maybe you feel ... embarrassed. "So he ... knew the woman?" Jenny looked out the window. "Not. They have never met. Two completely strangers, "her voice was indifferent."